The Truth About Female Genitalia

The female body is nothing less than a work of art. And like all masterpieces, each one is unique, from her eyes and mouth all the way down to her little toe.

So why the naivety surrounding female genitalia?

I know I’m not alone when I say that my lady parts have confused me on a number of occasions. More than once, I’ve wondered am I normal? Many women don’t even know which parts are which. But why is it so hard? There is certainly no shortage of female diagrams. And no lack of hardcore porn to show us “real” life women’s bodies.

The problem is not a lack of education. The problem is, there is very little acknowledgement of the very common, very normal variations of these body parts. Textbooks try to illustrate what a generic body looks like. But the truth is, most women do not have textbook genitals. Women are all crafted individually, not mass produced on a factory line. Thus, a “generic” woman does not exist. It would be impossible to draw every single possible variation. However, many women, quite understandably, conclude that they have some kind of abnormality rather than just a common, undocumented normality. And, many men and women can’t even comprehend what goes into porn. It’s hard to imagine the level of fakeness unless you’ve been behind the scenes. The truth is that most females in porn have undergone labiaplasty, a surgical procedure in which the vulva, labia, and clitoral hood are “trimmed” for the purpose of aesthetics. Very few women undergo the procedure for medical reasons. It’s a common misconception that the norm is for a woman’s outer labia to be larger than her inner labia. Even their scientific names, labia majora and labia minora promote such nonsense. In truth, there are just as many women whose inner labia are larger than their outers as there are the other way around. Both are normal. It’s normal for a woman’s inner lips to be a few inches long. It’s also normal for them to be tiny, like little rose petals, or anything in between. It’s normal for them to dangle. They also come in a wide array of colorings: tans, browns, pinks, reds, purples, sometimes even bluish. All normal. Some women have a somewhat visible clitoris, sometimes it’s more hidden. While many female porn stars seem to have the kind of clitoris that peeks out all the time, this is not necessarily the norm. Many women’s clitoral hood (what equates to the foreskin of the penis in males) covers their clitoris most of the time.  When the woman is aroused, the clitoris itself may swell and lengthen, while the hood also retracts a bit, making the clitoris visible. Some women have a larger hood, or a clitoris that is basically always the same size. In such cases, the hood can usually be pulled back manually pretty easily, allowing access to the clitoris. I might also emphasize the fact that most illustrations depict very minimal pubic hair. For many women, it’s not just a small triangular patch above their clitoris. Many women have pubic hair on the outer labia, and maybe some further back near the anal region. This is nothing peculiar. The purpose of pubic hair is to trap bacteria and unwanted particles before they enter the body, such as through orifices like the urethra, vagina, or anus. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. Women who object to it can easily shave or wax it away. Modern technology and hygiene methods allow women to stay clean and healthy without pubic hair. But it’s quite natural and no woman should feel that she needs to remove it. Some women have pubic hair that blends into the hair on their inner thighs. Or a few sparse hairs or even a trail leading up to their naval. All normal. 

So with this, I hope to have dispelled some misconceptions about the appearance of female genitalia. If you’re a woman, hopefully you may find some comfort knowing that no matter what your lady bits look like, they are normal. More normal than you’ll probably ever believe. I also hope that sometime in the future, we can move on from using misleading terms like labia majora and labia minora to describe women’s genitals. They’re inner and outer lips, for crying out loud!

If you’re a man, I hope you now realize (if you haven’t already) that if you’re expecting all women to look like porn stars or scientific drawings “down there” you will be sorely disappointed.

Got a question or topic you’d like me to address? Email me at!

Thanks for reading 🙂

The Sexual Awakening

We’ve all been through it. The time in our lives when we first start to realize our potential as sexual beings. Hormones kick in and we find ourselves intrigued by the opposite sex, or perhaps the same sex.

Though it generally begins around puberty, some may experience it much earlier or much later. The mind and body do not always develop at the same pace, and it can be a tough time for some. Even after many years, there is much to learn about ourselves and others. We are never truly done learning and growing sexually. And that’s what this site is all about. There is so much to be shared, and I’m here to bridge the gap between individuals and couples who may be able to offer experience or support.

I’ll share with you the story of my sexual awakening…

From the time I was just a few years old, I knew there was something. I’d heard both children and adults speak the word “sex” in a mysterious, secretive tone. Thinking or whispering the word to myself, even at five years old, gave me a sort of dirty, excited feeling inside.

It wasn’t until I was nine years old that my mother told me about sex. She never said it felt good. She just said it was how women became pregnant. I went five more years thinking that sex was just an inconvenience, and chore associated with trying to conceive. Why would anyone want to do that? I’ll never do that, I thought. I imagined sex would be awkward and embarrassing, or at least that’s how it was for most couples.

I grew up in a very Christian household. My parents were virgins until marriage (so they say) and they wouldn’t have anything less for my sister and I. I’m sure they meant well, but what they really did was scare me into being ashamed. I was ashamed of being a female. I was ashamed of my growing body and my thoughts. I struggled to repress my sexuality.

I’d learned in school about the female anatomy, but it always seemed oddly foreign to me. I didn’t make the connection between the diagrams and my own body (for reasons I’ll discuss later). Then when I was thirteen, I read a book. In the book, a young pubescent girl attended a human growth and development class. The book described it in detail. It also described in detail the girl going home afterward and finding all her lady parts using her fingers and a hand mirror. What a great idea! I thought. So I found a hand mirror and, rather timidly, attempted to do the same. It was the first time I’d ever really seen or even touched those parts. I didn’t know what everything was, but I did feel a bit proud of myself, though I didn’t know why.

When I was fifteen, that’s when I really started to feel the hormone changes. I didn’t know any boys who I could imagine having sex with. I was still stuck in the phase of naked embarrassment. I felt awkward seeing myself naked, let alone having someone else see me. But I would get so turned on seeing sex scenes in movies. I fantasized about sex with a nameless, faceless man. I didn’t know what to do. The feelings were so strong. I knew about masturbation, but I knew without asking that my parents forbade it. It was something shameful. I’d tried it a few times, but I didn’t enjoy it anyway.

That’s when things started to change. I would browse around the internet at night, reading anything I could about sex. I liked how it turned me on. I received an instant message from a man who was willing to answer some of my questions. He told me I was a normal girl, curious, with nothing to worry about. Though I felt shy at first, I quickly became comfortable. I was surprised by the boldness of my questions to him. But there was nothing he wouldn’t answer. Sensing my high level of arousal and sexual frustration, he even encouraged me to masturbate, and gave me ideas on what to try. Reluctantly, I took his advice.

Mere months later, we were instant messaging almost daily, and I was masturbating almost daily as well. Sometimes for hours at a time. I quickly became familiar with my body. Slowly, my shame started to disappear. I didn’t care what my parents thought. If they weren’t masturbating (and with the state of their relationship, they definitely weren’t having sex) they didn’t know what they were missing! I discovered that I am an extremely sensual person. I began seeing my body as pretty, and I would sleep naked almost every night.

Years later, I’m a very sexual, happily married woman. I still sleep naked nearly every night. I love sex. I love masturbation. I am adventurous and sexually free-spirited. If my parents knew half of what I’d done, or what I would do, they would be horrified. Do I care? Nope! I feel bad that they’ve forced themselves to adopt such a narrow-minded view of sex and sexuality.

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