Why I’m Monogamous (It’s Not Why You’d Think)

Monogamy is completely natural to me. It isn’t something self-imposed, or something I’ve been socially groomed to accept. It’s just how I am.

Those who say monogamy goes against nature are wrong.

Yet so are those who claim it is natural for everyone.

The truth is, everyone is different. There is a spectrum of sexuality. I am on one end. There are many others on the opposite end, who are naturally polyamorous. “Poly” meaning many and “amorous” meaning love. There are a few people who naturally crave multiple relationships with multiple people. And these relationships are based on genuine feelings of love, not just lust. There are other people like me, who have absolutely no desire to be with anyone other than their one partner. It’s not that I try to ignore thoughts of others. I simply do not have thoughts of other. Sure, I see many attractive people. But the only person I fantasize or think of sexually is my husband. Since we met, I’ve never thought of another man sexually. For nearly ten years, not a single other person has crossed my mind during sex or masturbation. A few times I’ve even tried to think of someone else, just to see what it was like. But it didn’t work. I am naturally monogamous. It has nothing to do with society, religion, or guilt. It’s not because marriage demands it. I have a one track mind. But I am in the minority.

About ten percent of the adult population falls on my end of the spectrum and another ten percent on the opposite end. The rest of the population falls somewhere in the middle. They may be monogamous most of the time, but still have the occasional desire for someone new. Some feel polyamorous most of the time, but could change to feelings of monogamy with the right person. And some people just have the urge for sex with many partners, with no real emotional connection necessary.

There is a difference, though, between someone’s natural sexuality under ideal conditions, and their choices regarding sex under exceptional circumstances. Someone may be monogamous for many years and be highly satisfied by their partner. But if their partner is no longer satisfying for them, either emotionally or physically, they may be driven to have their needs satisfied elsewhere. It doesn’t mean they don’t want monogamy. It just means they wanted their thirst quenched.

Sexuality is not a one size fits all. That is a point I stress over and over. Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all human beings, created equal. Every person is just as entitled to their fantasies as the next person.


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